There have been times in the past few years where I have come to a point where I know what I need to do but I am almost paralyzed with fear. This past week was one of those moments.
We are in the process of exploring a trip to Nicaragua for the summer. Our plan is to take the entire family there for much of the summer and show the kids how Jesus can lead and move. Sure sounds easy. The reality is it is so much more than that. Because the question is not can we go for five weeks but what happens if we go. My business has been little slow lately and our cash flow kind of stinks. My natural tendency is to grab the wheel and make the business rise again. But in my heart I feel the pull to GO! It is hard to explain. I am learning to listen and hear God move my spirit. This is one of those times. It is clear. But what does that mean? Well, the possibility of coming back to nothing is real. What happens when I leave does the business burn up? What then? Our house? Everything would be gone.
Or would it? Is that even possible? Or is that FEAR? Enemy comes to kill and destroy. My Father in heaven cares for and provides for the birds of the air and the fish in the sea. I am choosing to put my trust in HIM and let Him provide. Wednesday was probably one of the hardest days of my life. I cried often. I was a wreck. I wanted so badly to see the net below me. All I could see was rocks…
I spoke with Thom a friend that has done it. He has left it all behind to live a life for Jesus. He gets it. I called him and we talked and prayed. He gave me strength. Then I went and had lunch with my amazing Jeannie. We sat at a place and talked about going and about staying here. We went back and forth.
When it came down to it. I think for me I would rather lose it all than take one step away from God even for a moment. Not because I think He will pop me with a bolt of lightening but because I want to run with Him. I am free in Him. He leads me and guides me. It is the adventure of my life. He gives me strength and power to do even the hardest things that I would never do.
fear has no place in my heart. It is not from God. And some times I may lose the battle and let fear smash me on the rocks but He redeems it. I am excited about our trip. It will be hard. But I will be able to show my kids this world and I know that Jesus will show up and it is going to be epic. We will choose adventure in Jesus.