One day after much work and the exhausting staging process of preparing our home to sell, we were done. One of the first moments I had gotten to sit down, I was home alone, and I sat on our couch looking out at the pool and feeling very sad. Remembering all the memories, I was starting to think about our kids, how sad it was taking them away from this place, questioning whether we were doing the right thing, etc. As the tears were about to begin, the doorbell rang and I got up and answered it and saw a girl selling magazines. I was struggling b/c I wanted to be alone, but started talking to her and asked her if we could order some magazines but not have them come here since we were moving. She stated we could have them delivered to a women’s shelter. I agreed and got her some money.
She started talking, saying, “You smiled at me. Everyone’s been so mean to me.” as I paid her, she said, “You’re such a blessing.” I responded, “You are a blessing too.” She turned her eyes to me, and smiled, and we ended up talking for a while. She told me about wanting to give up but how God had different plans for her. She was very poor and struggling. We had this incredibly intimate conversation about God, and as we hugged goodbye, she whispered in my ear, “God bless you.” I walked in and immediately felt this Godly passion return and a clear message in my spirit… “You need more of that… Not more of all this.”
I immediately ran back out, thinking how I could have mentored her or found her a mentor, etc… But I couldn’t find her anywhere on my street. I think of her still often. Thankful for how God used her to bring me back to why we were doing this in the first place. How all this was supposed to be about being open, holding our stuff loosely, willing to go serve others, and how I had started making it about us again.
The selfishness returns every morning, and a daily surrender is the only option. He is faithful every time to provide whatever you need to bring you back into His will. A verse, a prompting in prayer, and maybe even a person ringing your doorbell when you begin feeling sorry for yourself to bring you back to the real issues in the world and His real purposes for you.